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Dear katastrophick (fanfic review)

Friday, April 29, 2011 @ 7:17 PM

Title: Remember Me
Author: katastrophick
Reviewer: Maria
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/15524/remember-me-beast-korean-you

Title: 3/5
The title has a nice ring to it. It has something to do with the story and it is easy to understand. Attractive? Yes but seen it alot of times? Definately. I think this is the 3rd fanfic I've seen with the same title? I've also seen alot with the titles 'Guardian Angel' or 'Forget me Not' something like those and the problem with having similar titles is that it just doesn't make me want to click the story and read on. Nice title, I really like it but just something about it makes me try my best to avoid the story because I've already seen so many around several times. Maybe its just me, but quite a popular title. Overall, the title is ordinary.

Forward: 9/10
I really enjoyed the forward. Great use of words and a nice start to your story. Not that entirely interesting though; feels like a cliched plot but your use of words are absolutely superb. Impressive? Definately. I'm really happy with the forward (Y). Overall, the forward is good.

Description: 10/10
I just can't find words to say something bad about your description. It is perfect! Your use of words are really something and flows very well. Clean and the whole story is summed up yet not everything is given away. Once again, I am very impressed. Overall, the description is perfect.

Graphics/pictures: 6/10
The poster is alright but not entirely attractive. If you were trying to pull off a sad mood with that poster, it wouldn't really do a very good job. More leaning onto the mystery side? Doesn't really seem to tell me about the story much and honestly, the girl and Junhyung seems a bit awkward. It looks like Junhyung is heaps bigger than the girl (two different camera angles joined together, making it look 'unnatural') however i'm not in the position to judge the person who made the poster and it is quite decent. Overall, the poster is okay.

Plot: 16/20
I like the plot. Even though it may be cliched and all, you wrote it very well and planned it great. It's clean, i understand it but maybe others might find it difficult to get. As your writing is quite complex and detailed, for 'minor' readers, they may not enjoy it as much. It depends on your audience i think, but mature readers sure to think this is a work of art. Overall, i think you're doing pretty well.

Writing: 18/20
Your writing skills i feel have greatly improved from the previous story i reviewed from. It still has the same feeling you give off when you write but something about it seems more improved. I see you're using the 'second point of view' for 'You' and i feel alot of people struggle to stay in that person yet you pulled it off very well. Lots of mistakes usually appear yet it seems like you written it well. LOL i need to learn from you, im often scared to write 2nd person when i dont even know how to write first person very well -.- Overall, your writing is superb.

Spelling/grammar: 11/15
There isn't mistakes i've seen in spelling. It seems pretty well edited...or maybe you're just a natural at this. Yet i feel since you use 2nd person, you might not be able to use some words freely anymore. An example:

You smirked as Miyoung hit you on the shoulder.

It seems quite awkward and i occasionally come back to this simple sentance and wonder if it's just me reading too fast or something is wrong with the sentance. It does make sense and there is nothing wrong with the sentence but i think this will make it seem less confusing and more 'free flowing'.

You smirked as Miyoung smacked you on the shoulder.

I know lol, they're both the same thing but i feel 'smacked' works better than 'hit'. Its more accurate and isn't as awkward as 'hit'. A problem about 2nd point of view writing; you have to be more aware of awkward phrasings. Also this paragraph...i feel there are too many pauses and doesn't seem to flow as well.

You smirked as Miyoung hit you on the shoulder. You kill the engine and the two of you open your car doors and slammed them shut. You press another button on your car keys and the trunk opens. You both grab your bags and towels and Miyoung shuts the trunk door and you glance around.

The continuous full-stops make it seem like it doesn't flow well and so, ill try to edit this and try to make it flow.

You smirked as Miyoung smacked you on the shoulder, scowlding you for your cocky acts. As the car came to a stop, you kill the engine and you (along with Miyoung); open the car doors and proceed outside before shutting the door once again. You press another button on your car keys and the back trunk opens, showing the bags and towels you brought from home. Miyoung and you both grab your bags and towels before you shut the trunk and take a glance around the environment.

Okay i wrote it slightly over-exaggerated and possibly wrote the wrong tenses (sorry =.= LOL). You don't have to mimick what i wrote, this is just the way i would write it but the point is maybe using more connectives and less fullstops will help the story flow. Overall, the spelling and grammar is satisfactory.

Ending: -/5
I will not mark this as this is not a completed story.

Rated scenes: -/5
I will not mark this as this is not a rated story.

Format: 8/10
I'm happy with the format. Its clean and easy to read. Yet i feel the chapters are kinda short (maybe its just me =.=) Overall, the format is adquete.

Total: 81/90
90%

Words of ~~wisdom~~ advice
I think you've improved alot. I'm very proud tehe and i know that in the future, you're going to do even better. LOOK AT THAT SCORE BABY!! 90% I THINK YOU SO FAR GOT THE HIGHEST MARK SINCE I REVIWED XD. But it isn't a story i would want to read again. A great fun to read but only just to kill time =.=
I feel the story has only just started...i'm not sure whether to root for Junhyung or Doojoon anymore >:P
Even if the story has 15 chapters already, i feel there will be more action in the future chapters tehe :D
You write like my sister...very good at 2nd person.
THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING FROM ME XD
If you have anymore questions you want to ask, don't hesitate to ask me >.<

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Review by Maria @ Lemonswirls
sourly intoxicating ;)

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