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Review!

Monday, March 21, 2011 @ 8:23 AM

Title: [ZE:A//SiKwang] Baby Journal

Author: SSZE_A501

Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/23029/ze-a-sikwang-baby-journal-dongjun-heechul-hyungshik-imsiwan-jungheechul-kwanghee-zea

Reviewer: Silence113

Title: 2/5

Your title was quite plain and boring. Nothing really attractive about it.

Forewords: 5/10

One thing I liked about your forewords, you gave an insight of what is to be expected of your story. One thing I dislike, you revealed too much. You should’ve stopped at ‘But he agreed to him…’.

Poster: 4/5

The poster’s cute. But I feel that the images of the characters (minus the baby) are irrelevant to the story. Think about it, a funny story about a baby with man in suits as the cover. It doesn’t make sense.

Originality/Creativity: 5/10

I’ve never really read a story quite like that before. So you scored points for originality, but you lose a lot of marks for creativity. Your way of presenting each problem is as if it’s some everyday thing that is no big deal. Frankly, it was quite boring to read.

Flow: 6/15

The only source of timeline in your story is the journal entry at the end. Other than that, I can’t really tell if it’s day, or night. And what parents in the world would allow their parents to stay pass 11pm? Especially a 5 year old.

Plot: 6/15

Your plot was rather boring. The forewords are partially blamed for it. You practically revealed all the conflicts in the forewords. And frankly, the way you presented your conflicts are quite boring. I’m aware that it’s comedy and all, but there isn’t really anything funny about a kid bring kidnapped or running away from home. Try presenting your comical side in a positive manner. I like how Dongjun cockblocks Siwan. It’s funny, although kind of sick.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: 7/20

Everything mentioned above… was horribly presented in your story. I take that English isn’t your first language? I think about 70% of your grammar in the whole story was wrong. Your spelling was bad too. It’s ‘even though’, not ‘eventho’. Your vocabulary was simple. So simple that it was quite plain and boring.

Characterizations: 3/10

I’m not familiar with ZE:A though I listen to some of their songs. You didn’t tell me anything about your characters. I know nothing about them other than their name and job. I didn’t know how they look like, what their personalities are like and such. Sometimes I get mixed up between Kyunghee and Siwan. And the poster didn’t do any justice either as there’re no names indicating who’s who.

Writing Style: 4/10

I didn’t really like your writing style. Especially when it comes to the dialogues. I didn’t know who’s saying what. Most of the time, I had to assume it’s someone, only to find out in the end that it’s someone else. But I guess I’m happy that it’s not in script form.

Bonus: 5/5

I’m going to assume that English isn’t your first language. Hence the bonus marks. This is merely an encouragement for you to strive to do better.

Total: 47/100

Unfortunately, even after giving you the bonus marks, your story still falls under the ‘You need to read a LOT more’ category. I’m sorry if I came out harsh in any of the comments I gave you, it was purely unintentional. I mean it when I said that you need to read more. The way you executed you story wasn’t really appealing to me. Though there may be a few funny parts here and there, it wasn’t enough to cover the mistakes you made.

I want you to work harder! Read more! Write an even better story! And more importantly, prove me wrong. Good luck! =)

ps: Sorry that it took so long. I've been really busy. >.<

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