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For Vanillalove0510 : fanfic review

Monday, March 21, 2011 @ 3:26 AM

Title: Boarding school love

Author: vanillalove0510

Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/25088/boarding-school-love-comedy-romance-shinee-sunny-taemin

Reviewer: ilubshinee

Title:- 2/5- Your title is really unique... I never heard title like this before that’s why it’s cool...8D. When you first read the title you would already have the idea of what the story going is to be which is good because you connected it to your story...But I don’t find it catchy? And also I think it would be nice if your title is... “Boarding school of love”.... Because your title seems awkwardly low... But I liked it because it’s connected to your story which is good. ^^

Poster/Background:- 7/10- Your poster seems to be sad for the genre of your story which is love/romance and comedy?... Your poster’s genre must be cute or colourful to connect it to your story... Because when you looked at the poster it’s dull and seems like it’s going to be a drama or sometimes a bit scary though which is not really good for a story that has a genre of comedy. And to be honest I didn’t really recognize sunny here at first. It was like some kind of ulzzang... It doesn’t seem like her at all...except when you looked closely at her.

Description, Foreword and plot:- 13/20 – Your description was kind of disappointing... You were cutting your sentences which made me confused... It’s like she, then he, then she again... It’s like I’m reading a script or something. Description is used to describe your story you don’t need to explain everything on it. (An advice: Do make your description as a paragraph I think it would be nicer. Use fonts too or font colours to give life to it.)

Remember Descriptions and Forewords are the first thing readers will see and read to know if they will subscribe your story or not. So if you have good description and forewords... It would help you gain readers. ^^... About the foreword... You didn’t much say anything... Use your foreword to talk to your readers.

Creativity/Uniqueness:- 6/10- Your creativity is nice.. Using pictures on the characters in the story... Putting up pictures in their POV’s ... I really liked it...its kind of cute and entertaining at the same time... It helps me to imagine them more. You already told that your story was inspired by a book... I never heard or read of that book before so I don’t know if you copied exactly the same or not... But I liked the concept of the story... ^^

Flow and Chapters:- 6/10- Since you currently have 6 chapters... I don’t know how the story will flow more until its final chapter but currently it’s good although it’s awkwardly low... Or should I say “cliff hanger” ... You always stop immediately which is really confusing for me... About the chapters it’s really short. But the titles of your chapters were good... It connects to the story chapter.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary:- 9/20- Omo... Sorry but there are so many grammatical errors and spellings... D: For example “Foward” it should be “FoRward” at first I thought it was just a typographical error but you repeated it several times already... There are also so many typographical errors especially at the first chapter... And because of your grammatical error I find it really hard to read... To be honest... I don’t want to hurt your feeling but it’s the truth... :(... Sorry.

You should really watch your grammars and spellings so that readers would understand and will able to cope up with your story. Be reminded by that this is really important. And also your vocabulary you’re using too many bad words although you already told at the description that your story would be vulgarize. But I think you should lessen it. I’m not telling you to stop it...

Characterisation:- 7/10- There are so many characters in this story but they’re not showing up. It’s like they will be there that only few lines... Sometimes they’re presence is there but they’re not doing anything. I call it “Ghost characters”... These were the characters introduced by the author but not actually portraying them. Example( your SHINee characters) You should just add up characters when the time has come. ^^ But besides them... Taemin and Sunny here were really cute and their characters were well-explained and you portray what their attitudes supposed to be in your story.

Writing Style:- 6/10- Your writing style is not that good... It’s like a script form story... You kept using phrases and not sentences that’s why maybe your story chapters were really short... And when you looked to your story it was well-written and clean... The indention is quite funny... It’s like a snake.

Excitement:- 2/5- I don’t feel much excitement while reading your story... As the chapters flow its feels boring to read... And I never read anything funny about the story? Maybe I didn’t know that it was a joke already... But I really don’t know where the funny parts are.

Extras:- 2/5- You talk to your readers which is good... That’s all what I can say here ^^...

Overall = 60/100

60-69 – Close enough. Not bad ^^

Reviewer’s Comment:

First of all... I really want to thank you for choosing me as your reviewer! :) *bows*... Sorry if you think I’m harsh on you? I really need to do that in order for you to know your mistakes. I know everybody commits mistakes and nobody is perfect ... I know you could make your fanfic better... So work on it and always check your grammars and spellings! ^^(it’s one of your weaknesses.) You have enough space to write your fic so don’t hesitate to use them all. Don’t use phrases always connect your sentences don’t cut them because it’s like a script form. ^^ and if you continue to do that it’s really hard to understand. Anyway I know you could do it! :D

About the story: Your story is really cute especially the war between Sunny and Taemin... I could imagine them doing the different pranks with each other and everything. And also the bond between her dorm mates it’s really nice to see a relationship like that.

FIGHTING Vanillalove0510!~ :3

-ilubshinee ^^
hoy,hoy!~ <3

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