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Review!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011 @ 7:42 AM

Title: Saving You

Author: ProximaC

Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/24370

Reviewer: Silence113

Title: 3/5

I liked the title because it was related to the story. But since it’s a challenge, it’s either that your title has already been decided, or it’s the best one you came up with. Either way, I wouldn’t really have clicked on it if I were to see in on the list of Winglin of AFF. It’s just didn’t really grab my eye.

Forewords: 6/10

Very short, but quite intriguing. I do understand the meaning of it, but I didn’t quite like how it was phrased. And it’s ‘change that’, not ‘changes that’.

Poster: 2/5

I didn’t really like the poster either. You would’ve earned an extra mark if the picture of Donghae was of higher quality. And the girl in the picture didn’t portray how she is in the story at all. If only you used a different picture.

Originality/Creativity: 7/10

I’ve read a thousand and one stories that are related to domestic abuse and having some stranger rescue him/her. The only difference between this and the rest is… I read this twice. The way you wrote everything was just captivating!

Flow: 13/15

The flow was not too fast. You didn’t jump to months in the second part, which I’m happy. The flow was just nice, actually. And their chemistry was built well, though it’s quite funny how it’s love at first sight. Then again, it’s just a story.

Plot: 11/15

Like I’ve mentioned earlier, I’ve read these kind of stories before. But what I didn’t predict is that she went back for more. I’d normally expect the guy to just chase after her, but in this story, she goes back to look for him. It’s quite new for me to read something like this.

Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: 15/20

Minimal flaws in this section, which is good for you considering I’m very strict when it comes to this. I just have a problem with this sentence ‘She no longer looked like Mike Tyson or Muhammad Ali’. What do cuts and bruises have to do with either of them?

Characterizations: 5/10

I can see hints of how they look in the story. More of Awana, not so much of Donghae. I wished you’ve described them a bit more. I know Lee Donghae is famous and pretty much everyone knows how he looks like, but it’d be better if you described how he looks in your story, not based on the already imprinted image in the reader’s head or the poster. Awana’s looks weren’t emphasized. I had to visualize how she looked in my mind, which I think it’s very different from how everyone visualized her. Please try to describe your characters more.

Writing Style: 7/10

Your style of writing is very simple. No sentences or words that are very hard to understand at all, except for the Mike Tyson part. Even so, I feel that you can do better with the phrasings and the paragraphing.

Total: 69/100

Despite me liking the story, you still have room for improvement. You need to work more on your characterization. And if you had a nicer poster, you would’ve scored better.

Ps: I hope you don’t mind me reviewing you since x3_struCked was busy. =)

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