Title: It Hurts to Love an Angel
Author: hopeleslyconfused
Reviewer: Maria
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/20059/it-hurts-to-love-an-angel-comedy-drama-key-romance-shinee


*i decided to write and change my form of reviewing just slighty. Tell me how it goes...^^

Title: 3/5

The title was simple and interesting but it didn't really give off a huge impression of something different. Slightly cliche you might say but there is nothing wrong with cliche. It sounds sad and has a hidden meaning in it, making me want to read on and people may not realise this but titles is the biggest thing that affects who reads the story or not. But the title is attractive in some ways but then like i said, slighty cliche feeling towards it. Maybe people who likes these kind of angel stories (like me) may take interest. Overall, the title is adequete.


Description: 9/10

I found the description interesting and very inviting. I was curious about why Key admired Su Yeon from 'afar' and i found it very interesting and attractive. I'm really happy with the forward and i was really eager to read more of the fanfic. Very interesting indeed and clear as well.


The writing wasn't all squished and it wasn't confusing. But if i was to be looking through a number of stories (as in first glance impressions) then i came across this, it might've not being very convincing to read and click on. Maybe prehaps you write the credits at the end and the descriptions at the start? But i absolutely enjoyed reading the description. It was interesting and somewhat 'wise'. Overall, the description was well written.




Forward: -/10
I will not mark this as you do not have a forward.




Graphics/pictures: 9/10

I really liked the pictures and graphics. They were absolutely beautiful and cute. However since the story is a 'sad/romance' story, im not sure if the colour brown would bring up the mood. Brown is more warm and inviting and it didn't fully give off a 'sad' mood. But don't take it to heart.


I love it its just my opinion that the mood gives off a more calmer type of sad/romance and i say this cause i believe there are 3 main types of colours of sadness. Blue, grey and maroon (some types of pinkish brown). Maybe...blue or grey would've being better used if the story was more sadder? But hey, i love the pictures, absolutely brilliant and beautiful and the colour really depends on you so it doesn't make a huge impact to your story. Overall, the graphics and pictures were beautiful.




Character descriptions: 9/10

It was clear and attractive and easy to read so no problem there. The pictures gave me an idea how they look like and the description gave me a small impression on their personalities. You told us thier age as well as their name, which is what a character description should have. I'm not sure if it was fully a character description (because it was missing some few stuff like DOB...but then a character descripion doesn't always need that...><). Overall, the character descriptions were good.




Author's note: -/5

I will not mark this as you did not have any author's note.




Plot: 26/35

I thought the plot was interesting but i felt it was a bit too rushed. Everthing happened so quickly and sometimes i got a bit confused. Like when Su Yeon already knew who Key was and Key knew as well? I was wondering how Key could just suddenly fall in love with Su Yeon if they already saw each other at school before? (maybe explain to me please? >W<) It is a good story line though.


Sweet and exciting in some ways. It made me scared to know that Su Yeon had cancer. I was thinking at first 'Hu? Isn't she an angel or something?' but then i realised that the 'angel' term wasn't literal. That just made me more interested in the story, how you describe and compare her to an angel. Unique i would say but I wouldn't say its the renaissance or a new change in life but very fun to read and sad/sweet. Overall, the plot was great.




Writing: 33/35

Your writing style is simple and easy to understand. Also straight to the point and not really dragged out. Having that type of writing has their good and bad points. Like your writing style is easy to read and simple but then it could be slighty too simple and not enough information was given out. Or something like that.


Everyone has a different writing style, some completely different from others and there is no such thing as the 'right' writing style in my opinion. Just keep in mind that you might need to slow it down a bit (unless you plan on making it a certain number of chapters) and maybe expand some parts?


Like in chapter 1 where Key and Su Yeon meet each other, i think that part could kind of be expanded and explain more of what they were thinking and feeling at that certain time. I know you wrote about Key's reaction but maybe more of what Su Yeon thought of Key at first can be explained?


And maybe in chapter 4, you can expand Su Yeon's reaction to when she lost the piece of cloth? (like i said though...dont take it to heart...its my opinion...i love it..^^) But i love the way the story is going so far. Just needs some expanding then it would be perfect. Overall, the writing was awesome.




Spelling/grammar: 23/30

There were some spelling mistakes that could be easily fixed so no major problems there. Like 'She lightly kicked open the door to the room, carrying a punch of pocky' (LOL..i found that mistake funny >w<) and 'Su Yeon POV-
 ...i wiped my eyes as i walked and Sun Young turned and saw me.
"Su Yeon...what's wrong?" ' (Honestly i was really confused with that...i was thinking i went crazy or i wasn't reading hard enough...but then i think it was a mistake..><) or '...I said, speading my arms wide toawrds the zoo' (just a careless mistake...^^).


The grammar seems pretty clear, just in some cases i felt different words could've being used. Like  instead of '"Why is it you always walk so fast!?" her friend said sticking her tongue out.'...'said' could be replaced with 'asked'. But both work good either way. Overall, the spelling and grammar was pretty clean.




Chapter titles: 10/10

The chapter titles were clear and inviting, making me want to read on to find out what the chapter is about. Nothing much is needed to be said for your titles. They were clean, clear and interesting. Overall, the chapter titles were fantastic.




Ending: -/20

I will not mark this part as this is not a completed fanfiction.




Rated scenes: -/10

I will not mark this part as this story does not have any rated scenes (or is a rated fic)




Format: 10/10

I think the format was clean, made it easy for me to read the story and inviting. The writing wasn't in huge chunks and it was inviting to read (didn't tire my eyes). Overall, the format is perfect.




Total: 142/155
91%...im pretty sure that's right...^^
If not don't hesitate to tell me...^^





Psh...whatever Onew...*stills chicken*



HAHAHAHHAHA...ha...ha...*frowns* did you hear about the Super Junior M comeback? :D



Err...that's got nothing to what i have to say.



O.O...*runs away* *cries in depressing corner*


Some words of wisdom advice
Not much to say or add on except to consider these things while writing...
- To watch out for careless grammar and spelling mistakes.
- To maybe expand some parts of the story.
- Keep on using your writing technique...its interesting :D
- Slow it down a bit...its a little bit too fast but if u have a number of chapters you desire...totally up to you...^^
Chehheheheh...im really sorry for the late review...-_-''
I was busy with other stuff as well...><
Anyways...please take into consideration to things i say but don't take it to the heart. It is my opinion and everyone around is different.
I tried something 'different' to you so i hope it didn't sound too harsh...><
YOUR A GREAT WRITER AND THIS IS A GREAT FANFIC...XDXD
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THANKIES AND DONT HESITATE TO ASK ME QUESTIONS OR JUST HAVE A FRIENDLY CHAT...XDXD

LOVE MARIA <333333333333333333333333333333