Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/14001/the-deer-the-flame-key-minho-shinee-snsd-taemin-yoona-yuri

As a standalone title, this would sadly not be effective in terms of a first-impression-attention-grabbing title. There’s not much element in the title that builds any suspense or portrays the theme of the plot. Looking at the title, a lot of puzzlement can be built up on the overall theme of the story. Is it angst? Is it drama? Is it comedy? In a way, your title achieved the prospect of the unknown, because there was certainly nothing in it that spoiled the plot of your story. The title only states two things, the deer, and the flame. In that way, the unknown theme and the two characters already introduced help drive the suspense of the title, but sadly not a very effective one. 

Your title wasn’t horrible, it looked good, and it sounded good, the only thing it lacked was its depth and meaning. Your title could be more easily described as a cake, a very attractive cake but it sadly lacks the sugar to make it perfect. It was the suspense of the title that it lacked, we were only introduced to the deer, and the flame, in that way we don’t come in clear terms with the plot and the theme of the story. 

Your title is very fairytale like and very enchanting, much like the title of Beauty and The Beast. Do you see the similarity? Now try pretending that you haven’t read Beauty and The Beast, now reading the title, what do you think the plot and theme of the story is going to be? There’s no clear idea of the plot and theme in the title is there? The title relies heavily on the two characters stated to help motivate the reader, your title is very much the same. 

Your title may have lacked the deep meaning behind it but it had the appearance to back it up. Your title was beautiful and sounded beautiful as well, it’s one of those titles that you wouldn’t get tired looking over and over again. Yes, appearance wise, your title can go head to head with the most beautiful titles in the world of fanfics, but sadly it is empty, it is empty because it lacks the meaning to support the plot and theme of your story. But nether less, it was a beautiful title in the good and bad way. 

Note: Since there were two posters, I will be looking at the ORIGINAL poster that was used.

This was a very simple and decent poster, but this poster was leaning more towards a character chart than an actual proper poster. If you’re familiar with character charts, you will know that they usually contain snippets of the characters’ faces pasted in a neat order behind a simple background and are usually labelled with their names. Character charts are usually a lot simpler designs as they contain no real background and effect that can depict the theme and plot of the story. 

 Your poster ticks most of the areas of a true character chart, the simplistic background, the way the characters’ faces were arranged in a neat order, the cute frames enclosing the characters’ faces. These were the major factors that made this poster a character chart. 

A true poster would be a lot more sophisticated in terms of the colour, background, effect and the placement of the characters. A beneficial factor of a poster is also its wording or quote, if I had to give one word to the quote of your poster, it would be AWESOME. I loved it! Looking at the wording instantly told me straight away the theme that your story played at. The wording of the poster is usually second most important, the most important is the overall look of the poster itself. For the poster to be good, it needs to be good in both terms of meaning and appearance. 

That is where the effect and background comes in, the choice of colours in the background is the most crucial as it tells the reader what the “colour” of the story is going to be. So for example, if the background of a poster is very dark looking, then our minds instantly link us to death, angst, violence. If the background of a poster is very pink looking, then our minds instantly link us to puppy love, cute, comedy. The effect is the bit of the poster that helps the background get an extra kick in expressing its theme. 

So in general, the poster needs to have two things accomplished, it needs to have the appearance and the meaning. The appearance as in the colours, the effect and the pictures that help make the overall poster look beautiful and help motivate us, the readers. The meaning is a more important thing, it needs the right choice of colours, effect and use of pictures to help state its theme and plot of the story. You can’t have a comedy romance story with a dark and grey looking poster!

So now that I’ve explained the general points of a poster, I must say that looking at your poster, it looks more like a character chart but it pulls aspects from both a poster and a character chart. I can’t exactly review this poster because I don’t know how to, I don’t know how to review the background (because there is none), I don’t know how to review the colour (because there is none), I don’t know review the placement of the pictures. And that’s the problem with character charts, it’s hard to review let alone get a clear idea of the theme and plot of the story, since everything is so simple and blank. 

However, I must say that the wording for the poster was what told me everything about the theme of your story and that’s very good because without it, I would never know what the poster was telling me about apart from the fact that Yoona and Minho both play the main characters. And can I say how awesome the wording is? It’s one of the best I’ve seen, it’s a simple vice versa that works! 

So overall, this wasn’t a proper poster, it’s more of a character chart with a few aspects of a poster pulled into it. But those tiny aspects such as the wording and choice of pictures really packed a punch!

Wow, your foreword was very, very detailed, from the summary of the plot all the way to the character descriptions. Everything was explained with detail, yet with so many explanations and detail, nothing about the plot was spilled. Usually with fanfics, authors would write long, detailed forewords and would accidentally let slip some spoilers for the plot of their story unintentionally. Your foreword was rich with information, you only informed us what happened and who it happened to, nothing else was mentioned about how it happened, what happened next and how it would end. A foreword can’t get better than that, the foreword is like the gate to the story, what you want is to draw in the readers with an interesting straight-to-the-point summary of the plot. 

Though most forewords are better written in a brief and simple manner, you however took a different path with a detailed description for both the plot and character description, and I loved the fact that you slipped in rhetorical questions. It helps us connect to the story, the characters and the plot, while still maintaining its mystery and hidden plots. Rhetorical questioning is a very smart technique, it’s like a tease, like you’re telling us “It’s for me to know and you to find out”. 

Although your foreword was good in terms of a detailed summary, it was lacking in appearance. A foreword should be able to find a balance between detail and appearance, although the appearance isn’t important, it helps make the general impression of the foreword look more attractive and appealing. Adding the slightest things could make the most pleasant results, maybe you could edit the description, give the writing some colour? Underline or highlight some of the more significant text that represents the key traits of the characters? Pictures to represent the characters wouldn’t hurt as well. 

Overall, the foreword was a pleasure to read, simple, subtle and compelling. Loved it, but to improve it more, more aspects of appearance should be added into it. There’s nothing wrong with tweaking your foreword, it all adds up in creating a more attractive and appealing foreword. And that’s a win-win situation for both you and the reader. 

There is a great sense of creativity and freshness in the plot that you’ve conveyed in your story. Your story in terms of originality will never truly be unique, there will always be themes in the plot that readers have already seen, read and heard about. But I must say that for a plot like yours, it was a quite refreshing and different if say not original. 

Themes in the story such as the whole blackmailing business and whole-hearted revenge contribute a great deal to the overall creativity and originality of your story. As a reader, I’ve read countless fanfics during my time, and most if not all are common in one way or another. And I’m talking about the plot. The plot is like the cream of the cake, it’s what gives itself the uniqueness and freshness that helps it stand out from the many other cakes out there. 

This can be also said for a fanfic, to have a good story originality and creativity wise, one must have a good plot. The plot of your story is something that I haven’t really seen before, I guess the whole blackmailing/real life centred theme is something that most stories have been left untouched. I like the fact that you did choose a new path when writing your story, and in this way, your plot is fresh and I’m sure most readers wouldn’t have come across a plot like this before. 

A near original, great job!

Reading the story, I felt that the general flow of the plot was at times moving, suspenseful and emotional and then there were the times when everything slowed down and felt like a drag. Don’t worry about it, every story and I mean EVERY story will have its flaws, no story is perfect and just like I would say, no flow is perfect. There will be at times when a story is dragged on and on, and then there will be times when the story just goes ZOOM at the speed of light. 

What I felt about the overall flow of your story wasn’t only because of the now and then drag of the plot, it was also because of your commitment with every single character in the story. Because you had wanted to devise an equal amount of screening between each characters, I felt that the main characters, Yoona and Minho were overshadowed or put on equal status with the rest of the supporting characters.

That is not a bad thing, most readers read a story not only for its main couple but also its supporting couples to provide more drama and comedy to motivate the story and reader. Although most of the chapters did focus on the struggles of the Yoona and Minho relationship, some parts of the story mainly the later chapters focused more on everybody. And in that way, our focus on the Yoona and Minho relationship wavers from the competition of other couplings in the story. 

But nether less, the flow of the story was fast paced, smooth and detailed. And plus, it makes sense!

I loved this plot! I love, love, LOVE it!

I don’t know why but I’ve got a thing for those plots with one-sided love (usually the guy) who blackmails the girl into being with him. These sort of plots have still been left untouched in the world of fanfics, I’m just glad that you’ve took your time to find it. And makes untouched plots so awesome? Because they’re fresh and compelling! Not many readers may have read a story like this and it is for this reason that makes this story a instant grabber in attention. 

What I find interesting about the plot is that both have misunderstandings for each other, actually, the whole theme of this plot has started all because of their misunderstanding for one another. Minho with his misunderstanding of Yoona’s impression on him, Yoona’s misunderstanding of Minho’s personality. The part of the theme that drives the plot is what kicks off the story with a good start, misunderstandings is always a good way to start off a plot.

Although I did find it quite hard to believe, or rather shocked to believe that Yoona hates Minho so much just for the reason that somebody has been talking about him all the time. Because of this, I find it hard to connect to Yoona’s personality, in the story she is popular, caring and selfless. But if she really was, then what sort of childish reason would make her hate an innocent guy SO MUCH? 

Just because somebody has been talking non-stop about him? I find that very unfair on Minho’s behalf, but then I do somehow enjoy this personality of Yoona’s. The hidden arrogant and bitchy side of her is a great refreshing taste to the many innocent, pure and chaste characters I’ve seen in my life. In a way, I find Yoona’s arrogance quite comical, and in fact, I think it is really because of her hidden feelings BEHIND her supposed hate for Minho. Like it’s a reason for not liking him, when she really does. 

Oh, the irony, it really fits the story. 

And now let’s start with Minho, the poor guy, the innocent guy, the naïve guy who immediately gets rejected by the girl who he’s been secretly admiring, secretly wanting to talk to for a long time. Do you know why I love this personality of Minho’s? Because it’s a like a vice-versa of the usual story plots I’ve seen, sweet girl crushes on cold guy, cold guy rejects her, sweet girl tries to win him over. But in this plot, it’s the other way around, and this makes it truly awesome because it is MINHO trying to win Yoona over, not the same old girl trying to win over the cold, heartless guy. 

The irony? Lots of it again, god, I love this plot, I could go on and on, but I have to continue to the next category. In conclusion, this plot was AMAZING, a few clichés here and there, but simply AMAZING. 

As far as your story goes, I found hardly any or little mistakes in the chapters and when I did, the mistakes were often quite minor and did not affect the overall meaning of the sentences. I must take note to say that your spelling was perfect, I didn’t find one little mistake in your spelling and vocabulary AT ALL! I know I’m being a bit over-dramatic at the moment, but I just can’t stress enough over the reckless mispronunciations in stories. Spelling may not be as important as grammar and punctuation, but it can also be a huge risk. Sometimes an incorrect spelling can damage a sentence altogether, the sentence leads us on to a wrong path in meaning because of one misspelt word. 

Of course, that is usually quite a rare case, but otherwise I am glad to see that every sentence in your chapters had perfect, well-rounded words. Well done!

Your grammar was perfect and every sentence was neat, tidy and yet subtle and complex in a deep way. In a way, every sentence written had a simple and fresh feel, but underneath it, there were clear amounts of emotion and complexity. However, although everything in the story was perfect in terms of the grammar and vocabulary, I must point out your use of commas in sentences. 

A comma is usually used to divide and break up long and complex sentences, it subdivides ideas, nouns and clauses into a neat group. So thus, when using commas, a sentence would look more simple and easier to read. A complex sentence however without the use of commas is a often hard and a more time consuming process to read through. Reading a sentence is like not breathing, the comma is the short pause for us to breathe, or in a general idea, to process the meaning. Reading a sentence of deep complexity without the use of commas is very tiring, there’s no commas, so there’s no breathing or stopping or pausing, and in that way, much of the meaning behind the sentence is quickly forgotten. 

I have to say that your sentences had a large amount of commas, some were useful in terms of a contribution to a sentence, and the others were not so quite, some others were totally unnecessary. 

Look at this sentence as an example: 

(Extracted from Chapter 11)

Now try to compare this sentence to breathing, take a breath with each comma used in this sentence while reading it out aloud. How did you feel? Was it bothersome with the unnecessary pause of breaths? Did you feel that this sentence would have been easier to read out with only two instead of four? Now let’s convert this back to the use of commas, would the sentences have been easier to read with two commas altogether then the seemingly four?

What the sentence could have looked like is this:

Did you notice how easier this sentence looks and sounds? Without the added use of commas, the sentence looks more simple and easier to read. Commas can be a good thing, but the overuse of it can make sentences look more complex and harder to understand when it is in actual fact, a simple and easy to understand sentence. 

Commas are something that everybody has a different use of, I can see the fact that you use commas to divide ideas in a sentence to send clear meanings to us. In a way, commas are quite hard to provide an opinion on because everybody has their own way of using it, but commas provide one thing and one thing only. It is to break up a sentence to make it look and sound simpler. 

Even without my correction, the sentence would still make sense, and usually that’s the general idea. But making a sentence make sense AND easier to read and understand is a big plus and beneficial factor to your chapters. Even without your overuse of commas, I am still happy with this fanfic, everything makes sense, and really nothing can get better than that. 

Note: I found an incorrect use of full stop in the example sentence above, just remember that a bit of proof reading wouldn’t hurt your chapters in the late turn. 

Okay, this is becoming quite a long review so I’m going to make these bits brief, short and sweet. Your effective use of characterisation is what drives the plot of this story, and drives us, as the reader into reading the story. There’s something I really like about how you convey your characters, none of them are perfect, all of them have something that is blocking them from getting somewhere. Jessica with her silent love for Jonghyun, Yoona with her problematic fake relationship with Minho, Yuri with her silent and emotional breakdown from losing her love, Minho with his naive and conceited feelings for Yoona. 

There’s something which I like about every character, maybe it’s because each and every one of them have a truly unique personality (Yoona’s arrogance, Minho’s innocence). It’s really something I haven’t seen much during my time in reading fanfics, usually in a story, half of all the characters are all perfect. They’re nice, caring, gentle, shed a few tears here and there. What a poor way of representing a character or characters in this case, the problem is that us as readers find it hard to understand and connect with their personality and self. Because of their god-forsaken perfectness. 

Your characters, each and every one of them, had a problem with their life, whether it is from a silent crush (Jessica), a defeated heart from a lost crush (Yuri) or just a developing love-hate relationship (Yoona). Each of these issues is what drives the plot apart, it’s what drives the plot, it’s what drives the characters’ personalities, and it’s what drives us, because we want to know how these problems are going to be RESOLVED. 

Excellent use of characterisations, easy to relate to, easy to connect with, easy to understand. This story isn’t a fantasy, every theme of this story plays something in the real world, and this is what connects us to the story and the characters. 

Your way of writing is a really perplexing issue, and I mean it in the good way. Your writing was beautifully written, woven with emotion, deep with descriptions, and sometimes filled with joy and then sometimes filled with agony. Your way of describing emotions is not only beautifully described with such detail, we can understand and connect with these emotions, because these are REAL. We’ve experienced these sorts of emotions before, it’s not something as complex as rich boy meets poor girl, or evil ex-boyfriends and stepparents. It is just deep and true emotions of love and its consequences and its various forms of emotional grief. 

One example is Yuri’s emotional grief of losing to her best friend in love, popularity, friends, personality. How real are these emotions? Don’t we all have a certain somebody who we want to be jealous of but can’t because they’re your FRIEND? Through the way of these emotional agony, we can understand Yuri’s situation in this story, and feel a sense of connection for her, because in a way, most if not all of us are in the same situation as her. 

What I like even more about your way of writing is that you didn’t delve too much on description, you kept that on a minimal amount, what made your writing stood apart was the use of each of the character’s personal hidden thoughts. This is what I call a point-of-view style of writing, where thoughts are a more important aspect of the story than the description. And this goes the same for your story, except the thoughts here are a lot more personal and detailed and it provides a deep connection between us with the character.

Amazingly written, simple as that.