☀ l e m o n swirls → reviews!

sadnitez's Review

Wednesday, July 13, 2011 @ 8:23 AM

Title: A Love Blew From No Where - A Love Story With Lee Taemin

Author: sadnitez

Reviewer: ll0vex3_her

Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/14623/a-love-blew-from-no-where-a-love-story-with-lee-taemin-lovestory-romance-shinee-taemin-you

Title: 6/10

I really love the first part of the title...but its just that, don't you think its a little bit too long? There's no real need for the next part of the title "A Love Story With Lee Taemin". I just have to read on to know its a love with Taemin, I don't really have to read the whole title. Its too long. Without the second part, overall, I love the title.

Foreword/Description: 7/10

Well, its straightforward and I definitely love the whole idea. I mean, the whole plotline seems to be there already, its seems beautiful and nice. I love how you described the whole thing, even though you repeated the same thing twice both in the foreword and description. The hook was there, and it definitely captivated me and made me wanted to continue reading ^^

Plot: 17/25

The plot wasn't really original, as far as I could remember, lols. But all the same, it was definitely interesting and really somehow mysterious.

Writing: 8/10

The way you wrote was indeed a little confusing at first since you didn't really point out which part was the OC's point of view and which part wasn't. But as I continue reading on, it wasn't confusing after all. Its good you changed the color so that it was easier to understand and read.

Although there was one tiny bit of problem that didn't really pleased me. I mean, is there really a need to place a random Taemin picture on every chapter? I know, its adorable and cute, but I would like it better if it was replaced with a graphic - that can really goes with the whole story.

Spelling/grammar: 16/25

Overall, there wasn't much mistakes. But there was indeed some phrases that caused confusion - for me.

Chapter 1:
"His pair of eyes"
Okay fine, there wasn't an exact problem there. But it sounded weird, you understand what I meant? I'm sure "His eyes" would have just done the trick.

"That pair of eyes widened in surprise at my face"
Er...what did you meant "at my face"? I mean, how was Taemin able to widen his eyes "at" her face?

I would like you to remember, unless you're talking about the present, when you're not in a dialogue, you have to write everything in the past tense, instead of in the present tense.

Flow - 10/10

I'm happy to say that the flow was definitely beautiful. Okay fine, I'm being sweet here. But that is indeed the truth. You didn't skip any scenes. What you left was somehow like a cliff-hanger at some point, not a confusing end, but a mysterious end. You was able to somehow continue it without even having to explain everything out.

Overall Enjoyment - 9/10

I really love reading your story. One point was because SHINee is my TOP bias, so yeah. And second, the way you wrote everything was nice and beautiful. Nothing was left confusing, which I really hate being left confused even after I re-read like thrice. It was mysterious and caught my attention. Although at some point, I have to admit I was a little bored with the long paragraphs. But overall, everything was fine ^^

Total: 73/100

Reviewer's Note: Well, I guess I have been lenient enough? Basically, as your story is indeed amazing, I don't see why I have to be harsh. I'm not really a good reviewer...so you may not be satisfied with this review, mianhae.

Back to the top~