☀ l e m o n swirls → reviews!

HALLA! Maki's callin' evanescent- ❤

Monday, April 4, 2011 @ 12:18 AM

Title: Please, don't go.

Author: evanescent-

Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/30295/8/shinee-b2st-one-shots-request-currently-closed-apply-b2st-korean-oneshot-shinee

Reviewer: Makiko

Title: 5/5

Your title is short and very straight to the point. It clearly states what the oneshot is going to be about, just without details. I think it fits with the story. ^^

Description: x/10

No description, so I'm going to leave this blank. x3

Poster: 2/5

The poster doesn't fit with the story at all. Sorry if I'm being rude, but that's the truth. The only reason why it scored to two was because the background was pretty close to looking kind of angst. But the bird and the flower...not so much. Probably a banner or a poster that looked faded out, or maybe even old looking would have been more fit.

Plot: 8/10

The plot was really easy to understand, and it wasn't that dark as it seemed like it was, but it did have a sad ending. I like how you determined the personality of both the main characters and the minor characters, since they both are involved in the story.

Grammar/Spelling: 9.5/10

Grammar and spelling is excellent. The only problem is that sometimes, you try to give off the right image, but it's typed in a certain way. Like that part where Hye Ri said, "Let's break up, Key." Hye Ri cut him off and stomped out of the dorm, promising herself that Key and her - they were over. Yes, I imagined Hye Ri telling Key that she wanted to break up with him and that she stormed out of the dorm, knowing that she was done with Key. There was no need for the hyphen~ You could have just said, "...promising herself that Key and her were over." Hopefully you get what I'm trying to say. ^ ^ ;;

Ending: 10/10

The ending was just how it was supposed to be: sad. I like how it didn't seem rushed, and that the ending was clear.

Writing: 40/40

I really like your writing style. You make sure to give off the right image, and it seems like you make sure you want to give off the right imagery for the readers. I know I imagined the whole scene. ^ ^

Chapter Titles: x/5

No chappie titles, so I'm going to leave this blank. x3

Format: 5/5

The format made the story really really easy to read, which is great! I like how you put in a different format when there was a flashback, or when someone was conversing with someone on the phone. (:

total = 95/100

95%

Advice! > w <

Try and detail things more.
Do not change the way you write!
Make sure to check for careless grammar and spelling mistakes~

♥Makiko's Message:

That was a really short oneshot. DDD: I liked it so so so so much thoughhh! <333 I feel like there should be a continuation...but it's a oneshot, so no. xDD I also read your rated oneshots. *cough* Don't tell anyone. Whatever you do, DON'T EVER STOP WRITING FICS. ~~Especially those rated ones~~

Key says:

❝ PFFT. IT'S OKAY.

I GOT JONGHYUN. ♥ ❞

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