Title: Spec of Dust
Author: BabyCopGurl & Mimi_lena
Reviewer: Maria
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BabyCopGurl_09/

Okay before you start reading on, i have realised someone else has already reviewed your fanfic and maybe you'll get something sorted out with my second point of view. Also its a winglin story...and honestly i have no idea how to use winglin so forgive me for the delay -_-'' (I still don't know how to use it) Anyways, on with the review :D


Title: 3/5

I felt the title was very interesting and straight to the point. It had something to do with the story and gave me a small idea about it. Quite original as well (i never heard of a title like that). But i think there is a spelling mistake? It says 'Sepc of Dust' instead of 'Spec of Dust' but that could be easily fixed so not much worries about that. Overall, the title is interesting.


Forward: 4/5

I was impressed by the forward. Very well written and it didn't give out much about the story, which is a good thing. Good descriptions, accurate and straight to the point. The only thing that kind of bugged me was that 'spec of dust' was mentioned twice in the forward. This is just merely my opinion but i felt it was quite 'repetitive'. I know you only used it twice but i feel something like that should only be used once in a forward or else people will easily get board. But this is just my thoughts so please don't take it to heart.


Graphic/background: 11/15 (graphic: 8/10 background: 3/5)

The graphic was pretty but it didn't give off much of a sad feeling towards the story. It did give out mystery but im not quite sure if the story is even about mystery and wasn't really telling much about the story. It would be a great mystery poster seeing as you can't really see the girl's face and Junhyung's shadow and hair covers the face but like i said, i don't think this story was about mystery.


The background was let down by the poster and i don't really like the light coloured and darked coloured background (hurts my eyes once i go back onto something else) but it was readable and somewhat clear. But I'm not saying the poster is ugly or something like that, just the mood of the poster doesn't really match the mood of the story. It is either maybe when you requested you didn't say it accurately or your point of view for sadness is different from mine. Or the designer of the poster has just 'made what they want'.


Not a big affect, its the author's descision if they want the poster to be edited or not and like i said, pretty poster but wrong mood. Overall, the graphic and background is interesting.


Character Description: -/10

I will not mark this area as you do not have a character description.


Author's note: -/5

I will not mark this area as there is no author's note.


Plot: 28/35

The plot is different and interesting and the meaning of 'spec of dust' was used very well. The story is quite deep and since it's a two-shot, im not sure if it is a proper plot with everything it needs for a story. I feel this plot needs more expansion because its really deep and hard to explain but in a two-shot form is okay. You planned it out well, it feels quite organised with the parts of events happening. There isn't much to say about the plot except the fact it was pretty interesting and deep. Overall, the plot is great.


Writing: 26/35

I feel that the writing was unique and talked about their minds in their heads quite often. i just didn't really like the 'state the obvious' and 'lost' thoughts because it made me feel so irritated on how dense they are. That's just my opinion, some people like those kind of stories where they act all dense when we know everything while others like me feel that the character needs a slap of wisdom (don't get it? its fine...just some of my lame jokes :D). Overall, the writing was unique.


Spelling/grammar: 28/30

Just some silly mistakes and maybe some slight confusion? On chapter two, Junhyung has two different POVs? One was 'Yong Junhyung' and the next one was 'Junhyung'? I know not a big deal but that got me confused (O.O). I was thinking if there was a brother called Junhyung as well but then i realised it was the same person. I suppose the 3 lines underneath the writing meant a new day or months later but you don't have to put in the same POV name again unless its someone else's point of view.


Not a major deal but i was still confused at some stages. There were some awkward phrasing but i'm not sure if you can change that around. To get rid of that awkwardness, you might have to edit the whole thing so i think its still fine even thought the awkwardness is there. Isn't really noticeable so don't worry too much about that. Overall, the spelling and grammar were exceptional.


Chapter titles: -/10

I will not mark this part as this story does not have any titles.


Ending: 17/20

I was happy with the ending. I know it didn't kind of end somewhat randomly but i thought the ending was sweet and cute (the kind of proposal/offer >.<) but then made me bite my lip in worry. Would she say yes? and what will happen with the both of them in the future?. Endings aren't meant to ask questions but there are always exceptions.


You might want us to think of our own endings or its our own descision on what we want to happen in the future so it worked quite well. I was maybe hoping for a clean ending; one where she would say yes and live with him forever but i'm still happy with this one. Everyone's got different opinions and some might not accept the ending while others like to think what will happen in their own worlds. Overall, the ending was well written.


Rated scenes: -/10

I will not this part as this is not a rated story.

Format: 5/10

I don't really like the format of the story because the writing is in huge chunks and just goes on across the whole screen, hurting my eyes and making them bored (>O<). I know this is kind of biased but i don't like the winglin format at all. I don't think i can blame it on you as err winglin is just posted that way but i think you can try to separate the paragraphs a bit and not put it into huge chunks of writing (:D). It will bored out the readers and in some cases, people might not even read that piece of writing. Overall, the format was okay.


Total:  122/155
79%...i hope that is right.
I tried improving on my maths...><


Some words of wisdom advice
Don't take this to heart...this was all based on my opinion and there isn't much people in the world (probably none) that have the same opinion...><
Don't take much reviews to heart but please think of what they say in your head and use it for your own good purpose.
I know some people may be harsh in their reviewing and may say hurtful words but ignore their constant bickering and take out the important parts.
Like making orange juice...separate the pulps and seeds from the orange to only get the good parts of the fruit.
I don't like it how people think people who say mean and hurtful words in their reviews are good reviewers because they're not always that great.
But im not in the position to say anything about other reviewers and say if they're bad or not...:P
Anyways, i hope this one helped...;D
I tried to keep the offending low so i hope you're happy with it...><
If not, its fine...ill write something nicer for you or you can request from someone else.
But like i said, take the words into your head, not your heart and separate the words that will help you and the words that won't do any good and keep the ones that are useful...:3
Have no idea what im talking about?
Talk to me...^^
THANKIES...XDXD
<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333


Maria.


-review from Lemonswirls-